Sunday, July 03, 2005

My Two & A Half Outta Five Senses, Again

Besides trying to get flap candy, here is what I am doing:

Watching:
1. Another State Of Mind - Early '80s film journal of a young Social Distortion and others going on a month long tour.
2. Scrubs (Season One) - Well written show. Great casting.
3. Be Cool - More like Be Shit. Vince Vaughn is enjoyable as a Wigger (If that makes any sense?).
4. Samurai Jack (Season Two) - Well done animation about a balanced Samurai. Great cinematography.
5. Overnight - Great doc on the rise & fall of Troy Duffy, writer/director of 'The Boondock Saints'. Recomended to all motherfuckers.

Hearing:
1. Apocalypse Hoboken "Inverse, Reverse, Perverse" - "I'm feeling kind of dangerous, I'm feeling a bit risque, I'm gonna get loaded on another wasted day"
2. Apocalypse Hoboken "House Of The Rising Son Of A Bitch" - Title says it all.

Reading:
1. 'Home Land' By Sam Lipsyte - Fucking awesome book about saying what you should have said way back when.
2. 'Freakonomics" By Steven D. Levitt & Stephen J. Dubner - How crack dealers mortage their property & more rogue underseedings of the great American economy.
3. 'Las Vegas Guide 2005' - Going there again for a buddy's bachelor party in September. Vegas, baby...Vegas.
4. 'Voices Of Summer' By Curt Smith - Rundown of the 101 best announcers of baseball. 'He Gone' is referenced
5. 'How To Negotiate Anything' By herb Cohen - My boss is making me read this. Once I finish, I'm going to make him give me more money. I'll 'Negotiate it'.

Upcoming Entries: (Still coming) 'Duder, How Do You Get Your Pubes So Fucking Straight?', 'The Fascinating Life And Times Of Billy Bush Pt. 1 of 48', and the infamous questionaire; "Wiping Your Ass: Sitting up or down?"

Monday, April 25, 2005

For The Psychopath In Us All

Some sick fuck over at Cinemorgue.com has compiled a website archiving death scenes of actresses, complete with descriptions, photo stills and booby alerts. If you're bored and want to see how many times your favorite actress has been popped onscreen, knock yourself out.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Phillips Union Whiskey, You're The Devil

The fine idiots over at the think department for Phillips Union Whiskey have come up with the idea of adding "flavor" to their whiskey. No more bitter, hard-to-take whiskey. Oh no, it's not like whiskey is intended to be rough tasting. Phillips believes it should be an enjoyable experience. Just take a look at their recipe for a spirited mint julop. Phillips should pack up shop and leave whiskey to the Irish.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

My Two & A Half Outta Five Senses

Since Liz said I wasn't writing anything, I'll write something cheap and easy to get the ball rolling. As of April 21st, here's what my two and a half senses are doing;

Watching:
1. Orgazmo (Special Edition DVD) - Not that funny of a movie.
2. Kids In the Hall: Tour Of Duty - Filmed during their live stage shows of 2001.
3. Sideways - Not as funny as when I saw it for the first time. I still recommend.
4. Shaun Of The Dead - British Zombie spoof. Alright, but I never finished it.
5. Shane MacGowan & The Popes (Live At Montreux '95) - It's not the Pogues, but still great.

Hearing:
1. Pulp Fiction Soundtrack - Had it. Lost it. Had it again. Lost it again. Have it again.
2. N.W.A. "Straight Outta Compton" - Read above.
3. Marilyn Monroe "The Very Best Of..." - Monroe not Manson, enough said.
4. Neil Diamond "The Essential..." - 'Cracklin' Rosie' is a song about alcohol, enough said.

Reading:
1. 'Rebels On The Backlot' By Sharon Waxman - In depth account on the new generation of filmmakers in the 90's.
2. 'Cult Fiction' By I Forget - Quick bios and recommendations from Cult authors of the past two centuries.
3. 'Big Idea' Magazine - Midwest Advertising/Audio/Video trade mag.

That's about it. I'll try to write more interesting pieces very soon, such as; 'Duder, How Do You Get Your Pubes So Fucking Straight?' and 'The Fascinating Life And Times Of Billy Bush Pt. 1 of 48'

Saturday, March 05, 2005

De-Bunk The Bunker or Bunk the De-Bunker or Bunk, Bunk, Bunkiddy, Bunk, Bunk, Bunk

Multi-millionaire real-estate heir and conspiracy theorist Jimmy Walter is offering a $130,000 reward for anyone who can prove that the World Trade Center was destroyed in the way the government said it was.

Friday, December 17, 2004

Burger + Pittsburgh + QB + Internet = Morons

I heard from a friend of mine that in Pittsburgh, some restaurant is capitalizing on the success of Steeler’s QB Ben Roethlisberger by naming a burger after him. When it comes to eating/creating burgers, I consider myself a Grade B aficionado.

I heard the burger was made with a concoction of eggs and sausage thrown together on a cheese filled hoagie bun. Sounds mouthwatering, huh? I heard that ESPN’s Gameday was going to do a segment on the creators and ingredients of the burger. So, I taped the show, but accidentally taped over it with an episode of Nip/Tuck, you know the episode where Christian bangs a hot chick (every single episode). Well, I wanted to figure out the exact ingredients and how to make the thing, so I went searching on the web for it. After googling “the RoethlisBURGER” I didn’t find shit. So, I decided what better way to find out about the burger then from the man himself. So I went to Ben’s website and once again, couldn’t find shit. So, on the forum section of the webpage I started a topic asking nicely for the ingredients and the proper cooking instructions. I was positive some fat ass in Pittsburgh has tried the burger or heard about, so I thought getting a reply would be a snap. Wrong. It seems that people who “like” Ben Roethlisberger, “like” other things besides burgers. I sent my post on 12/9 11:49pm. Since then I had only 2 replies out of 170 readers. One from someone telling me where I can get the burger(s) and one from an idiot who named the ingredients according to Steeler’s players, i.e., Randle El onions, 2 all Duce patties, sweet and Cowher sauce (on the sidelines). Yet, other posts after mine; “HERE COMES THE ROETHLISBERGER SONG LYRIC'S”, “Ben looks like Leah from Survivor”, “HEY BEN YOU ARE HOT”, “What's Ben's middle name?”, “Is Ben Jewish?”, all got double and/or tripled readers and responses. So, I never received the full information on my simple fucking burger question, but I did come to this conclusion; All Ben Roethlisberger fans are fucking retards.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Twelve Is The New Eleven? What The Hell Does That Even Mean?

Yesterday night I saw Ocean’s Twelve. Going into the movie I had little interest in seeing it. I expected the first installment to be a glitzy, typical heist film with top money actors and retarded plot twists, so I wasn’t unfulfilled/disappointed in the first one. I expected the same in this one, but I was mostly turned off by the smugness of the actors in the hundreds of press junkets they did for this movie. Clooney, Pitt and Damon would sit together in their interviews and talk all about how much fun it was to work with each other, practical jokes on the set, filled with tongue-in-butt-cheek humor. Steven Sodabread directed the first and second, and honestly did a great job with the second one and made it more enjoyable than the first. I didn’t agree with the ending and the four different subplots to follow, but it was the filler and the camera work that made the movie good. The round up scenes with Andy Garcia (Only the second movie he didn’t ruin; The Untouchables) were enjoyable. The paradox musing with Clooney, Pitt, Damon and some other dude was interesting. The photography was well shot with interesting concepts to add to the story by Chris Connier and Steven Soderbergh (as Peter Andrews) as well as an ode to 60s Italian and French films. Two things that may have made the movie not as good as it could have been were Julia Roberts times two and Matt Damon’s character. I thought it was better than the first and is worth seeing and/or buying a good bootleg.

Sidenote: Before the movie, I saw a trailer for Vin Diesel’s new Disney family comedy, The Pacifier, where Vin Unleaded plays the disgraced Navy S.E.A.L. Shane Wolf and is handed a new assignment: Protect five kids from enemies of their recently deceased father - a government scientist whose top-secret experiment remains in the kids' house. Think Suburban Commando meets any other Schwarzenegger comedy. I think AWESOM-0 4000 came up with the idea for this movie.